The One with the Cosmo Quiz
by Cordelia Sun
Summary: After she boards the plane to Paris, shaken by her encounter with Ross, Rachel does the Cosmo quiz and contemplates her next move (AU series ending. Rather Anti-Ross/Rachel)


Notes: Previously posted on AO3

This was written for a challenge which called for an alternatve ending for a favourite TV show. It is, I will admit, quite mean to Ross and I do apologise. It's all intended in good humour!

* * *

Rachel scurried down the passageway to the plane, boarding card in hand and heart thumping; she couldn't believe Ross had come to the airport and sprung that on her just now. What the hell was he thinking!

Yes, she knew he still had feelings for her. She had feelings for him too—she always would—but…a dramatic declaration of love at the departure gate? It was so romantic, so reckless. So stupid. Why now...just when she was about to begin a whole new life? It was such a cliche.

She reached the entrance to the plane and was met by the air steward who gave her a polite smile as she took a look at her boarding card.

"Oh, Ms Green," the woman said cheerfully, "good to have you back on board. We have made a change to your seat assignment."

"You have? I was in first class...I'm still in first class right?"

"Oh yes, of course," said the woman in a bright and breezy tone, "you're now in seat 1A…in the executive seats. After all the _confusion_ earlier we wanted to make sure that you we're...taken care off."

"Oh, how wonderful. Thank you so much. Lead on!" Rachel waved an expansive hand at her and was personally escorted to her seat by the steward. It was a single seat, very private, right at the front of the plane. Rachel had to crane her neck around in order to be able to see the other passengers and every time she tried the the steward moved to block her view. It was almost as if she was being kept away from the other people on the plane.

How odd.

Never-the-less this was a marvelous stroke of luck and Rachel was glad to be able to have some time alone to think.

"Can I get you anything before take off?" the steward leaned down to ask, "it's going to be a few minutes before we get going. Perhaps a magazine?"

"Oh, that would be nice!" Rachel found magazine reading to be an almost zen experience.

"We have the new Cosmo if you're interested?" the steward smiled conspiratorially.

"Oh, goody!" Rachel clapped her hands in excitement and then stopped when she realised what she was doing. She settled her hands in her lap and answered again in a more grown-up tone, "yes, please. I would appreciate that."

When the steward left Rachel eased back into her seat, trying to get comfortable and tried not to think about Ross and his outrageous and overwhelming behaviour.

He loved her. Really loved her. That's what he said.

And Rachel knew she loved him too, but did she love him enough to stay in New York?

Oh! Why was this so hard?

The stewardess returned with the magazine and Rachel began to flick through. She gazed at all the pictures of beautiful people, wearing beautiful clothes and felt some of the tension begin to drain out of her. She scanned briefly through an article about mystic ley-lines in South America, which was to her mind rather silly, but she made a note to show Phoebe the next time she—

Oh, right. That wasn't going to happen.

She bit her lip in contemplation and continued reading. There was a double-page spread on fall footwear and she noticed a nice pair of ankle boots.

 _"So cute! Monica would love those,"_ she thought as she folded the page over for Monica to read later. Then she remembered with a sinking feeling that she wouldn't actually see Monica later. Oh well, she could send her a email.

Dammit.

Rachel gave a deep sigh and turned the page. The title of the next article jumped right out at her and she began to read in something very close to shock.

* * *

 ** _"Kiss or Kill: Is Your On Again off Again Relationship Worth Saving?"_**

 _Oh, the on again off again relationship. We all know it can be a roller-coaster ride for the heart as well as the head, but is it worth it? Should you keep investing or put it out of its misery? Take our quick and easy quiz to help you decide:_

 ** _Question 1: Hey, you just landed a great new job and it's a major step forward for your career. You're going to have to put in the hours over the next few months in order to hit the ground running. Unfortunately that's going to limit the time you spend with your partner. Do they…_**

 _A) Totally understand; it was like this when they got their first big job. Take all the time you need and let them know if you need anything._

 _B) They're not happy about it and they say so; but they understand and vow to put in the effort to ensure you don't drift apart._

 _C) Flip out about you working late again, accuse you of sleeping with your boss and turn up uninvited at your office. Somehow this is your fault._

 ** _Question 2: So, things haven't been going too well and you decide to cool things off for a while with a trial separation. Do they…_**

 _A) Agree that it's probably for the best and fully engage in a plan to work out your issues._

 _B) Feel desperately upset and take time to come to terms with it, but in the end they're willing to do what it takes to get past this bump in the road._

 _C) Storm out and go have sex with the first person they meet. Somehow this is your fault._

 ** _Question 3: On the topic of their most significant ex-partner. Do they…_**

 _A) Have an excellent relationship with them. They even send a holiday card to the ex's parents every year._

 _B) It's not the easiest thing to deal with, but they always speak of their ex with respect and they get along OK when they need to._

 _C) Take the ex's perfectly valid reasons for ending their relationship as a personal slight and whine about it constantly years after the break-up._

 ** _Question 4: They're having a stressful time at work at the moment. They handle it by…_**

 _A) Taking complete stock of their work/life balance. They reassess their priorities, through deep personal analysis and meditation, adapting as necessary._

 _B) Surround themselves with family and friends and make an effort to take each day as it comes_

 _C) Completely lose the plot at work over some petty thing, almost losing their job in the process._

 ** _Question 5: You have a big event or change in your life and they're not happy about it. Do they…_**

 _A) Sit down and explain their issues in a calm and non-judgmental manner; allowing you to work it out together._

 _B) Agonise about what to say, but ultimately express their viewpoint giving you enough time to process and consider their position._

 _C) Turn up at a critical point with wild declarations and try to pressure you into a decision, regardless of the wider consequences for you and those who rely on you._

* * *

 _So you answered mostly A._

 _I'm sorry to tell you this...your partner is so incredibly perfect they're probably not a real person. They're probably really annoying too. We suggest you check them over for signs of an access panel, an on/off switch and a Made in Stepford stamp._

 _So you answered mostly B._

 _Congratulations, this one is a keeper. They respect you and your opinions, but are also not afraid to express their own issues in an honest and mature way. Ensure you always talk things out, make an effort to stay on the same page, and you should be fine._

 _So you answered mostly C._

 _Ok, really? Honestly? We only wrote this section for a joke. Surely no-one would question if they should stay in a relationship with this person? Oh you did? OK...in that case here's our advice: Run...run like the wind. Get as much distance between this childish, emotionally abusive, gas-lighting douche as you can. A whole continent would be best. Move to France or something._

* * *

Rachel pushed the magazine to the floor, pressed a slender hand to her heart and gasped for breath.

Run away? Is that was she was doing now?

No.

She had run once; ran right out of the nice cosy little life that everyone had planned for her. She'd had no plan, no friends and no idea. It was the best thing she had ever done and led her directly to this amazing opportunity. Rachel knew in her heart that if she could do it once, she could totally do it again.

No problem.

With a firm nod Rachel leaned back into her seat, fastened her seat belt and smiled.

It was going to be quite a ride.

THE END


End file.
